Author: Heather darlas_mom)
Title: Iesta
Summary: How Illyria really feels about her sister-in-law.
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Illyria belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Iestai, and her referenced husband, Thrace, were inspired by that work, but are the property of Vicki Cadae (lady1raven). They, at least, are used with permission.

( Iesta )

Drabble: Touch
Author: Heather (darlas_mom)
Disclaimer: Illyria belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox and others. No profit was made and no animals were harmed in the making of this drabble.

( Touch )

Title: Four Hundred Words on Why Illyria Loves The Squidlets
Author: Heather (darlas_mom)
Disclaimer: Illyria belongs to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The squidlets--Odrysai, Satrai, Moesi and Triballi, and their referenced father, Thrace--were inspired by that work, but are the property of Vicki Cadae (lady1raven). They, at least, are used with permission. You can read her companion piece to these drabbles here. ("What The Squidlets Think Of That Love.)

Word count: 400

( Why Illyria Loves The Squidlets )

Letter from Illyria to Connor, in reply to this letter. Sent February 14, 2007. Enclosed is a string of what looks like half a dozen extremely curved, sharp abalone shells and a snapshot of Illyria in an oversized fedora, looking annoyed.

Connor,

How extensive were your injuries? Is there a healer among your ranks? And what was the system behind the choice of which comrades you took?

We have not yet faced Tuniit, but we have had recent conflict with its servants. I have retrieved an attractive set of trophies from the Qwa'ha Xahn himself. I have enclosed one complete set of his teeth.

Peter, the candid servant, was very excited to attempt to find me a Mountie hat and photograph it for you, but we have discovered that they are issued only to the local garrison. He selected me another. I am hopeful that it is a close enough approximation of what you had wished to see.

The land is cleaner here, but the air has a foul taste and scent to it that I have found greatly irritating. We are even now, as I pen this missive, resuming our journey. Our itinerary takes us further to the north and west. I have been informed those lands are colder than these, and mountainous. We will be meeting another of Thrace's servants when we arrive there this evening. Certain of the ones accompanying us now have told me interesting things regarding his relationship with her. It has piqued my curiosity.

I will write again soon. Be well.

-Illyria

Connor,

I have arrived safely in the city called New York. The humans here are more numerous, as are a related species of avian to the shell Zakthulat uses. Often when we move in the open, we are accosted by traders who wish to sell us trinkets we have no use for. I have been told by Thrace's servants that the items are most likely plundered from larger merchants.

The city is strange to me, yet I am adapting quickly. I have a sense of familiarity with it--brief smells, turns in the roads. The sense is stronger at night. We are staying for a short time, then it is our intention to go further north, into the neighboring country called Canada. One of Thrace's servants has expressed a desire to buy him a Mountie hat. What is a Mountie hat? I suspect insolence--this servant is candid and often overly forthright in his communication. Candid.

I am uncertain how this type of communication is meant to be carried on. Zakthulat suggests I inquire after your journey and your comrades. I harbor some curiosity for these subjects, but more for the details of what foes you have faced. We will shortly be facing one of our brethren. It is my expectation that any battle we may have with him will be short. As I have been told that an exchange of gifts is traditional for humans in the midst of travel, it occurred to me to ask if there is any piece of his flesh or bone that you would like to request. His shell has many teeth.

Be well.

I was bored and got ahold of this survey again, so I decided to fill it out for Illyria. I might also do one for Joy if I get bored enough.

( 500 Questions. You were warned. )

I have had verbal intercourse with my brother. Thrace. My Thrace.

These words seem too simple to describe such an experience yet they must suffice. I summoned Noctis to call him to me. It was aggravated whim, no more. I did not believe he would come but come he did. To be in his presence again was like a sickness and its cure at once. I spoke with an equal, talked with someone who once loved me. It was as no other comfort I have had in this shell.

We spoke of many things. I justified to him at last my betrayals before the world fire. It is possible that he has forgiven me, though he spoke only words of thanks, none of relieved grudging. I hope for his forgiveness though I cannot justify to myself why. I believe that I have gotten it. I can offer no proof to this belief, but it is there. It is as a balm to a wound in my soul I had not previously recognized. It is perhaps this I have longed for the most in my separation from my own race. We were creatures of beauty, power, grace immeasurable, but we were guided by simplicity and efficiency that the humankind only dream of. I have missed the social interplay between myself and another where the same rules and subsets apply. There is no confusion in being near Thrace. Long have we understood each other in near all things. To again be near my brother is a joy to me I have hungered for unknown. I guard this secret jealously, for I have no doubt that Connor would not approve.

I should care nothing for his approval, now less than before. He has taken leave of me at last, succumbed to his fear and abandoned me as long have I feared he would. Yet I bear him little anger. Only this sadness and fear, to face this world and these creatures without him. I feel the absence of his relative nearness like a void in my own consciousness. It should have been so before, yet before I could always sense his presence, wherever he chose to be. No more. He is closed to me, to all, and has segregated himself from us so I am denied even the sensation of his proximity. It was my expectation this would come to pass, I should not be so pained over it now. Some, at least, is attributable to his increasingly unstable state. I believe that the lessers think I have not noticed. I have. I feel anxiety for him and a strange mistrust as well. He has not been as forthcoming as they believe. Some unnamed thing fundamentally within him is altered--I saw it when he asked about my inexplicable love and thanked me when I pledged it shall not die. I do not know what this is, but if I am correct, it will lead him into peril. I have ordered Zakthulat to follow him.

My physical state is much unchanged. The child grows stronger within me as time passes. The secret is secret no more. Now even one so dense and distant as the Vessel knows whose child I bear, that I bear a child at all. It seems to have altered my intervening days in life none at all. The lessers avoid me but that has always been their way. The only factor that surprises me is the girl warrior called Lilia. She met me with undisguised revulsion most of her days upon discovering the secrets we have kept, yet seems to greet me now with burdgeoning neutrality and perhaps new understanding. I intend to observe her further to see what influences have wrought this to pass.

In the entirety of my existence, from the day I met this world to this day I have woken to, I have cultivated fear in my wake wherever I have gone. Now I reap the consequences. Connor has returned from his journey through time. He fears me less than once he did, for his absence was longer from his perspective than it was from mine, but his fear has not decreased so much that my presence has become acceptable. And now I am denied by my own kin. Kin I would have disdained to claim as such as recently as yesterday, but I called upon him now as such and have been told only that he cannot come to me because of fear. I detest my human body. I detest my human memories and the pieces of my shell's human soul that have fused with my own.

::page is splattered with several splashes of dried blood, the handwriting in the middle is shaky and difficult to read::

It will all be over soon

Couldn't think of five, but this ome wrote itself in an hour and a half completely off the cuff. It's 1,227 words long, so I think it stands well enough on its own without four more.

( One Thing That Never Happened To Connor And Illyria )

Yeah, yeah, yeah--connorsdemons says it's my fault, but personally, I think that kita0610 and ros_fod are more responsible than I BY FAR for writing such fabulous My Angel and My Connor lists first, and then leaving them around where I could find them.

Originally, we agreed to each do 40 Holtz and Darla items, and 88 Connor and Illyria items, but, well...

( 100 Things About My Illyria )

I would also love questions and/or comments.

I must make note not to travel alone with Zakthulat in the future not until such time as I am more able to convincingly perform verbal deceptions. I found no rest and took no sustenance during the full length of the journey. It weakened me greatly and the price could have been my ::scribbled out word:: victory.

However we did emerge victorious. Finding Corsica was a simple matter of approaching her borders and following my sense of her power. Approaching Corsica herself was the even simpler matter of dispatching her guards. They were so few in number. Her parents would have felt great shame.

Her form was beautiful to look upon. She had the flesh of an aquatic creature in jewel tones of green. She watched me with no fewer in number than seven eyes. I felt some regret to destroy one when I pummeled her until she succumbed to negotiation.

She made an oath of vassalage to me ceded the territories she had won and the servants that held it. Then she fled as far as she could by mortal means.

I am pleased by this turn of events yet at once I am uneasy and discouraged. Corsica and Corithical fell easily to me. Others will not be so easy. The more I conquer or kill the greater the odds that I will finally have to do battle with one I would consider worthy. In my present state I harbor no desire to face an opponent of worthiness.

I expressed my condolences for destroying her brother.

I do not know why I felt compelled to do such a thing but I am filled with hope that this will ease some of her resentment that she will not be tempted to break her oath. I hope but do not expect. Amongst my kind we expect always to be harmed or betrayed by those who merely yesterday were loyal.

Zakthulat made comfortable company during the journey to and from the stronghold. He observed how I exerted myself but does not seem to suspect the cause. I fear I will have to observe him more closely. A pity. I had longed for the company of a friend.

Connor cared for me and saw to my comfort and replenishment upon returning home. He had criticisms as to how I handled the protection of that knowledge that we two so laboriously guard. Yet he saw fit to send his second father the one that openly despises me away to attend to me alone without condemnation. I cannot fathom if this sign is a favorable one but I have no one to ask.

I am not a human. I am not a fool. I am a God and a King and I comprehend better than any other creature within this stronghold alive or dead the ever present need for new tactics in war. I know intimately the importance of constant vigilance and an appearance of total solidarity to outsiders.

I know this all. I know as well that circumstances have forced deception to the forefront of those tactics most especially in regard to the appearance of solidarity.

I am not truly a human a child or even a female. And I will not bring myself pain I do not need by becoming enchanted by a lie.

Never again.

I find myself growing weary of human penance. The remorse has not decreased. I am no closer to regaining Connor's trust and forgiveness than I was when I began. I have other responsibilities. Other creatures serve me and will soon look to me for guidance. And there is my heir to consider. It is tiring and isolating to be a king and I have not even returned to a true kingship yet. The depth of my loneliness will only increase as I grow in power. To be powerful is to be alone. I knew this before and know it still. It is only that it has come in recent times to bother me. I suppose that is why though I have grown tired of penance that I continue upon that path. And that is why I have agreed to do the foolhardy thing I have sworn to Connor I will aid him to do.

Challenge the Empress. If Zakthulat's theory is correct I have taken leave of my mental facilities in choosing to do such a thing. She has offered me no harm. But her interest in the one who will come after I am gone gives me perturbance. The way she casually drops that truth to anyone she chooses to on a whim or ill mood fills me with fear. Perhaps greatest of all is that she stole one of my servants and in doing so offered great injury to my mate. Connor has not yet truly protested that term and so I will treat him as such and as such I cannot allow any even one such as she is offer him injury or insult of this magnitude. It bodes ill for building and holding a kingdom that others would treat the core group of my leadership with such light fingers and it displays great weakness that I have allowed it to go on. This part I do not believe Connor or Zakthulat to have considered when the strategy was discussed. If I can challenge the Empress and succeed who of my brethren would dare oppose me?

Thoughts such as these weigh upon my mind often and with great intensity. It seems to me that I have always been at war. Even were I to sacrifice any hope of a throne it would not solve that problem and it is not in me to put that intention to rest. I have already built a new cornerstone of this my second kingdom on earth and for the sake of it I cannot turn back. I must build the rest. Then I must make alliances and treaties with the other kingdoms nearest mine. Some have already neared completion. I must secure first order and second prosperity. And now that I have found myself entangled with intimates I must find a way to stabilize my home.

This is perhaps the longest piece produced by my hand since I have begun putting pen to paper. A book of human philosophy of anger and grief called writing a catharsis. I am simply discovering it to be a deeply satisfying way to organize my thoughts.

sex
Pronunciation: 'seks
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Latin sexus
1 : either of the two major forms of individuals that occur in many species and that are distinguished respectively as female or male
2 : the sum of the structural, functional, and behavioral characteristics of living things that are involved in reproduction by two interacting parents and that distinguish males and females
3 a : sexually motivated phenomena or behavior b : SEXUAL INTERCOURSE
4 : GENITALIA

erot·i·cism
Pronunciation: i-'rä-t&-"si-z&m
Function: noun
1 : an erotic theme or quality
2 : a state of sexual arousal
3 : insistent sexual impulse or desire
- erot·i·cist /-sist/ noun

frus·tra·tion
Pronunciation: (")fr&s-'trA-sh&n
Function: noun
1 : the act of frustrating
2 a : the state or an instance of being frustrated b : a deep chronic sense or state of insecurity and dissatisfaction arising from unresolved problems or unfulfilled needs
3 : something that frustrates




(Copied carefully, mark for mark, from Connor's dictionary, except where emphasised--emphasis is Illyria's)

Connor is testing me for my worthiness as a mate and a mother of his offspring This is a progression I have long desired yet I feel such fear that I will fail I must not fail He is taking me three days hence to a place he called the peer I am uncertain what will happen there and unsure of what I am to do I must not fail I must adapt to this I would ask him what I am to do yet I am certain that he cannot help prepare me for this task Perhaps I should question one of the others They are so many and older than Connor They must know I will ask I dislike fear of this intensity

My ability to write in this language appears to be improving The more I do the more familiar the text begins to look as if her memories are resurfacing to guide me as I try Her memories Part of me I am feeling frustration now thinking of this I am not her and I will not become her yet I feel for Connor as she felt or some close approximation of how she felt How can this be

Aa Bb Cc Dd Ee Ff Gg Hh Ii Jj Kk Ll Mm Nn Oo Pp Qq Rr Ss Tt Uu Vv Ww Xx Yy Zz

______________________________________________________________________

MY NAME IS ILLYRIA

my name is illyria

My name

::furious scribbling in blue ink::